The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
