I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you pee in the oven last night??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
