dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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