Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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