so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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