My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize