chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
