Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
