i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
