I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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