sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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