A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Help. Why am I so naked?
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