my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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