One girl and one boy is just not enough.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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