As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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