he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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