Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
