The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
