Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
