Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
