So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
