HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
