I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize