he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
