thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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