you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need moral support for this bender
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
