You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
