He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So many bounce houses so little time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
