I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
