she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
