Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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