You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
