Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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