I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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