on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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