So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
