I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
