I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
