a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
