I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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