I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
