RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she looked like the before picture.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is Oprah even human
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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