Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The Olympian is in my bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
