I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
