As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
