I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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