Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
