I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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