My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
