Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
