tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
