I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
