someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
