she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize