If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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