Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
