i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
