my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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