My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
