I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
