dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
