discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
