Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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