Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
