thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Someone shit on the floor
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize