he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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