if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
