I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
