I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
