the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize