If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
