Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
