I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I did not marry a roomba.
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