Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
