Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
