I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
