Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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