Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
