I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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