I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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