Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
