I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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