I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize