i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize